by jcooper131 | Mar 12, 2019 | Houston Mediation and Arbitration
Human head silhouette with question mark concept
Every once in a while, when you are deep into a discussion, you hear something that sounds like “and the eagle flew upside down.” Your first reaction is what? What did he say? If the person was talking to you, your second reaction is, am I losing my hearing? So you ask, what did you say? The person typically will give an answer that removes the initial confusion, but it will not ease the sense of disquiet that the person listening missed an essential clue in the conversation.
It is a common feeling because many times we do miss important clues. During his career, Peter Drucker would tell executives he worked with that in a negotiation the most important thing about that negotiation is what is left unsaid. When saying that, one of the things he was alluding to is that neither side takes the time to learn what is important to the other party in the disagreement.
Whether you are negotiating a contract or helping two parties settle a dispute, the truth underlying Peter Drucker’s admonition is an enduring truth. Too many times I see parties in a negotiation assigning little or no value to the other party’s concerns. Having done this for some years now, I’ve learned to discuss this issue early either in a mediation or when hired to help someone through a negotiation.
When I am brought in to consult, I make it clear that the route to a failed negotiation is taking the position that winning on all your key points is all that matters. Some years ago I assisted in a negotiation that led to an impasse because the person I was helping went into the room convinced he was right and the other side needed to see it his way. Many of you reading this already know that the insistence on being right is rarely a winning strategy.
In this instance when my client successfully painted himself into a corner, I suggested we take a break, which he readily agreed to. During our meeting, I asked him what he wanted to do. His first reaction was that he could not give up his position, that the other party would “run the table on him.” I let him talk for a bit, and then I asked him, what are the two key points the other side raised, and why were those two issues important to them?
After a short conversation, it became clear he could not state clearly why those two issues were essential to the other party. He had not learned that before sitting down to negotiate, and he had not discovered it during the negotiation. I suggested that when they resumed the discussions, that he re-set the tone by asking just one question. What is it you want me to know?
It is a simple question, yet a powerful one. Surprisingly, it is one question both sides forget to ask. I recently attended a dinner where a gentleman with a great deal of experience in this field gave a speech, and it was downright eerie to listen to him talk about solving disagreements and using language very similar the language I routinely use.
In the example above the two sides eventually resolved the dispute successfully, but it took a bit of effort to get there. (My client was young, successful, and brash). He had good control over his personal and professional life, except for his ego; which is common among very bright people.
I was reminded of this when I read the book, Multipliers, by Dr. Liz Wiseman. A number of the examples in her book resonated with me because of my own experiences in helping others to become better listeners. I urge those reading my letters to buy this book – after buying my latest book. It’s called The Battle for Ethics and Integrity in the Workplace: The Leaders Dilemma.
And this brings me back to the eagle flew upside down. When you experience such a moment, you will find you don’t have a hearing problem; you have a listening problem. There is a growing awareness of this, and more companies are providing training to their employees to become better listeners. Unsurprisingly, I find too many companies offering these classes to the wrong end of the organization chart.
It is hard to convince employees to engage in better listening exercises when those higher up the chain don’t walk the walk. Managers and senior managers have a hundred different ways of saying “make the problem go away, do it quickly, and as cheaply as possible.” We have all heard variations of that theme enough times to know it creates more problems than it solves. Still, it remains an all too common message employees receive.
The gap between agreement and disagreement won’t go away until you take the other side seriously and they perceive you are doing so. It applies equally to disagreements with coworkers as much as it does at the negotiating table.
When something you read raises a question, don’t be bashful. Give us a call. We can be reached at 346-561-0612, 832-452-8537, or at: info@cdci-mediation.com. You can also learn more about CDC Integrated Services by visiting our website at www.cdci-mediation.com
Food for thought: Beyond the precise meaning found in a dictionary, judgment is more than just the ability to make good decisions about what needs doing. It begins by thinking carefully and critically, which are skills that come through practice. You cannot acquire them by going to a conference or a seminar.
by jcooper131 | Jan 30, 2019 | Compromise, Conflict, Disputes, Ethics, Houston Mediation and Arbitration, Mediation, Negotiation, Solving Conflicts, Workplace Conflicts
Have a Question Contact CDC Integrated Services, LLC
What Did He Say?
Every once in a while, when you are deep into a discussion, you hear something that sounds like “and the eagle flew upside down.” Your first reaction is what? What did he say? If the person was talking to you, your second reaction is, am I losing my hearing? So you ask, what did you say? The person typically will give an answer that removes the initial confusion, but it will not ease the sense of disquiet that the person listening missed an essential clue in the conversation.
It is a common feeling because many times we do miss important clues. During his career, Peter Drucker would tell executives he worked with that in a negotiation the most important thing about that negotiation is what is left unsaid. When saying that, one of the things he was alluding to is that neither side takes the time to learn what is important to the other party in the disagreement.
Whether you are negotiating a contract or helping two parties settle a dispute, the truth underlying Peter Drucker’s admonition is an enduring truth. Too many times I see parties in a negotiation assigning little or no value to the other party’s concerns. Having done this for some years now, I’ve learned to discuss this issue early either in a mediation or when hired to help someone through a negotiation.
When I am brought in to consult, I make it clear that the route to a failed negotiation is taking the position that winning on all your key points is all that matters. Some years ago I assisted in a negotiation that led to an impasse because the person I was helping went into the room convinced he was right and the other side needed to see it his way. Many of you reading this already know that the insistence on being right is rarely a winning strategy.
In this instance when my client successfully painted himself into a corner, I suggested we take a break, which he readily agreed to. During our meeting, I asked him what he wanted to do. His first reaction was that he could not give up his position, that the other party would “run the table on him.” I let him talk for a bit, and then I asked him, what are the two key points the other side raised, and why were those two issues important to them?
After a short conversation, it became clear he could not state clearly why those two issues were essential to the other party. He had not learned that before sitting down to negotiate, and he had not discovered it during the negotiation. I suggested that when they resumed the discussions, that he re-set the tone by asking just one question. What is it you want me to know?
It is a simple question, yet a powerful one. Surprisingly, it is one question both sides forget to ask. I recently attended a dinner where a gentleman with a great deal of experience in this field gave a speech, and it was downright eerie to listen to him talk about solving disagreements and using language very similar to the language I routinely use.
In the example above the two sides eventually resolved the dispute successfully, but it took a bit of effort to get there. (My client was young, successful, and brash). He had good control over his personal and professional life, except for his ego; which is common among very bright people.
I was reminded of this when I read the book, Multipliers, by Dr. Liz Wiseman. A number of the examples in her book resonated with me because of my own experiences in helping others to become better listeners. I urge those reading my letters to buy this book – after buying my latest book. It’s called The Battle for Ethics and Integrity in the Workplace: The Leaders Dilemma.
And this brings me back to the eagle flew upside down. When you experience such a moment, you will find you don’t have a hearing problem; you have a listening problem. There is a growing awareness of this, and more companies are providing training to their employees to become better listeners. Unsurprisingly, I find too many companies offering these classes to the wrong end of the organization chart.
It is hard to convince employees to engage in better listening exercises when those higher up the chain don’t walk the walk. Managers and senior managers have a hundred different ways of saying “make the problem go away, do it quickly, and as cheaply as possible.” We have all heard variations of that theme enough times to know it creates more problems than it solves. Still, it remains an all too common message employees receive.
The gap between agreement and disagreement won’t go away until you take the other side seriously and they perceive you are doing so. It applies equally to disagreements with coworkers as much as it does at the negotiating table.
When something you read raises a question, don’t be bashful. Give us a call. We can be reached at 346-561-0612, 832-452-8537, or at: info@cdci-mediation.com. You can also learn more about CDC Integrated Services by visiting our website at www.cdci-mediation.com
Food for thought: Beyond the precise meaning found in a dictionary, judgment is more than just the ability to make good decisions about what needs doing. It begins by thinking carefully and critically, which are skills that come through practice. You cannot acquire them by going to a conference or a seminar.
by jcooper131 | Dec 18, 2018 | Compromise, Conflict, Disputes, Ethics, Houston Mediation and Arbitration, Intervention, Mediate Conflicts, Mediation, Negotiation, Solving Conflicts, Third Party Mediator, Workplace Conflicts
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
We at CDC Integrated Services wish to take a moment to thank everyone who chose us to aid them with the issues brought to us during the past year. We are grateful for your business and wish all of our clients a safe and peaceful new year.
Peace and Goodwill to all.
From Jerry Cooper and the CDCI team
by jcooper131 | Aug 20, 2018 | Client Retainers, Houston Mediation and Arbitration
Benefits of a Professional Conflict Resolution Services On Retainer: Dozens of different conflicts confront people in a corporate setting every day. It’s a fact of life, and with millions of people are in the workforce today, it’s not going to get any easier. Some companies have such strife among the workers that the work environment becomes hostile, and getting things done is difficult at best. To avoid such potentially disastrous consequences, it is important to have options, including access to a professional conflict resolution service already on retainer. The following are the benefits that will come with hiring a professional to facilitate/mediate conflicts that fall outside the normal give and take dynamic.
Conflict Solution Companies Put Employees First: When human interaction in the workplace causes strife, workers can find themselves in difficult situations. Most companies have policies that direct employees to seek the assistance of their supervisors when experiencing difficulties, but what if the supervisor or manager is the source of the conflict?
The outside conflict solutions company companies put employees first and make sure that they understand that facilitators/mediators are not there to cause anyone to lose their job, or causing the company any problems. Conflict solution professions know how to defuse disputes in ways that allow the parties to move forward more productively. Their goal is to breakdown the arguments, remove false assumptions, open communication between disputants, and expand options. To do it correctly takes time, and that is a resource not available to those trying to get the job done.
The Goal is Peaceful Resolution: Going forward, you’ll find that a conflict resolution company achieves peaceful outcomes at a very high rate and at surprisingly modest costs when compared to traditional avenues such as litigation or arbitration. The goal here is to make sure that anger and other frenetic emotional responses are not the norms. Emotional responses drive negative behaviors that make the arguments more difficult to overcome, and conflict professionals can help with calming things down before strife causes those involved to quit. Turnover produces many negatives of its own, and facilitating/mediating disputes can have a positive effect on the “revolving door”.
Quick Recovery: When conflicts are not resolved promptly and fairly, the parties involved will build and hold grudges, and at some point, those grudges will boil over. They will feed lingering discontent, and will not want to work things out when future disagreements arise. Conflict solutions professionals focus on efficiently resolving conflicts and problems for their client company. Their goal is to make sure that conflict resolution creates an agreement between the parties, and the dynamics of the group is restored. A powerful benefit of having a conflict solutions company on retainer is it thwarts the paralysis of uncertainty, allowing a healing process to begin much sooner.
Empowering Your Workers: Following along with other benefits, it’s imperative to understand that a professional conflict resolution company empowers workers by providing them the means to resolve the conflict and stay in control of the process. They educate the workers and unite people instead of dividing them. They focus on hearing all sides. They work towards resolving issues that are going to help not only the immediate issue(s) but will offer a blueprint for employees going forward. Managers and employees will be empowered to deal with conflicts before they get out of hand. Ultimately, over time a cultural shift may occur making the use of the outside professional necessary only on an exception basis.
The Results Matter: As stated above, the most obvious benefit is the high degree of success. Moreover, once implemented, the willingness of employees to use the process under the guidance of the neutral third-party increases, and the number of intractable disputes decreases.
Want to know more? Please contact us for more information. We can be reached at 832-452-8537
by jcooper131 | Oct 29, 2017 | Arbitration, Mediation, Solving Conflicts
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do”. (Isaac Asimov)
Mediators who do not allow the principle of self-determination to guide the mediation’s outcome will risk seeing that mediation fail.
Mr. Mark Baer, a mediator who writes interesting articles, posted a recent study about mediation and shared it with us on his LinkedIn page. The study focused on family law mediation in California, and the data developed as part of that study identified an interesting fact. In the state of California the field is saturated with retired judges and attorneys. Having wrapped up their legal career these judges and attorneys turned to mediation as a second career.
I found several other facts in this study to be interesting as well. Their careers and experiences did not prepare them on how to use mediation effectively. The study reinforced the basic fact that good mediation combines skill, training, and experience. The researchers concluded in fairly blunt terms that mediation requires skills that …”judges and lawyers do not possess by virtue of having decided cases in a courtroom…”, and in that state surprisingly few retired judges and lawyers have any formal mediation training.
The study further disclosed that there is a higher instance of these mediators pressing or directing the parties in these mediations towards a preferred or suggested outcome, such that a higher number of mediations didn’t hold up, and the parties to a dispute reverted back to litigation. It confirmed what I had seen at an anecdotal level. The dry nature of the data understates the burdens these failures place on those who find themselves back in court
Mr. Baer has written before about the risks attorneys run when they, under the guise of mediation, begin to subjectively evaluate the actions and positions of the parties and attempt to lead to or suggest a particular settlement. It is a risk that I have written about as well in my posts.
A successful mediation changes the perceptions and relationships of the parties in dispute. It breaks down the distrust that the parties have towards each other, and helps rebuild trust. Successful mediations encourage the parties to decide the outcome(s) they want through consensus by using the process provided by the mediator.
When the process is set in motion correctly, the parties are able to step away from entrenched positions and it allows them to look at alternatives; and looking at alternative solutions is at the heart of successful mediations.
The message here is to think carefully about how you choose a mediator or a third-party neutral to assist in resolving any potential dispute. Ultimately, you need to have confidence in the outcome of any negotiation, and be well satisfied that it sets things back in balance to the point you can move forward.
We at CDCI follow this principle and encourage you to contact us if you have any questions. You can reach us at 832-452-8537, or contact us through info@cdci-mediation.com. We also respond to texts messages.
by jcooper131 | Sep 15, 2017 | Houston Mediation and Arbitration
Unravelling Conflict
I recently read an interesting article in one of the mediation blogs I follow. In that article was a phrase that caught my attention, which reads, in part, “when parties agree to mediate, the search for solutions is not a sign of weakness”. This phrase brought home in a simple way the challenge all mediators face.
Once you have done this a time or two you discover several ways to get things started so that each side talks about the issues that brought them to the table that day. The challenge, though, is getting them to ask the kind of questions they need to ask of the other party that will lead them away from an entrenched defense of their point of view.
In order to explore alternatives the parties need to reach a level of confidence that allows the parties to begin the examination of alternatives. They can only do that by becoming curious about/interest in the other party’s point of view.
A good mediator prepares the parties for the mediation by setting the stage, and in doing so gets the parties to buy into small agreements about the process that will be used. These small agreements occur where the mediator talks about mundane things such as the mechanics of the mediation, his or her role, the expectation of good manners and courtesy, and other such things. During this process, the mediator also explains that this is “their” mediation, and they control the outcome.
At this point the mediator also reminds them in a deliberately low-key manner that they will be the negotiators, they will be the authors of the final agreement, and at that point encourages them to ask questions after each side has stated the reasons for being there.
In my mediations I take several opportunities to make the parties comfortable with the idea of asking questions so that when the parties actually begin to engage each other so that, as mediator I can, where appropriate, encourage the pursuit of questions intended to invite an exploration of solutions without the parties seeing that as a threat or sign of weakness.
In other parts of my business I talk about the importance of building a framework from which questions can be asked and explored. I also emphasize why asking questions is important in my book The Monday Morning Checklist, A Guide for Experienced Leaders in a Busy World. The book is available through Amazon at: http://amzn.to/2f08DIH.
by jcooper131 | Aug 26, 2017 | Houston Mediation and Arbitration
Abigail Adams, the wife of John Adams our second president, was his intellectual equal. They wrote each other frequently when they were apart because they trusted each other’s judgement. In one of her letters she wrote, in part, “…How difficult the task to quench the fire and the pride of private ambition, and to sacrifice ourselves and all our hopes and expectations to the public weal! How few have souls capable of so noble an undertaking!”
Ethics and ambition will be in conflict with each other if a leader is not the master of his ambition. There are two kinds of leaders; one kind keeps his/her integrity intact, and the other type of leader does not.
The one who does keeps it close and guards it. It is OK if it is a little tattered around the edges and maybe holding a patch or two, but it is essentially all there. The one who does not keep his integrity intact sheds pieces along the way so that when that leader reaches the position he or she holds, there is a real question whether or not they can conduct themselves in an ethical manner.
I think the verdict is clear. Just in the past five years you can find real life examples of corporate leaders who failed in spectacular fashion.The seeds of their destruction was a result, in large part, to their unethical conduct. They chose the easy path instead because it looked like the fastest way out of a dilemma. Yet solutions that often seem to be a way out of a dilemma create opportunities for inappropriate behavior.
It leads to policies that, instead of creating innovation and growth, function as a shield allowing directors and managers to engage in behavior that is self-serving and unethical.
How many of you have heard the phrase honest to a fault? All us deal with a lot of noise in popular culture. With great sound and fury we demand that our leaders must be as close to perfect as possible. Yet, even the best of us lead imperfect lives, and the successful leader is one who catches his/her mistake and quickly corrects it. Good leaders do not allow gaps to form between the error and the action to correct the mistake.
How can you be sure you are doing everything you can to keep your integrity intact? Review the absence of the word “morality” in the business environment. This word gets very little attention in within the business community and this is ultimately harmful. This is not about forming judgements or replacing standards of behavior. It is about the moral dimensions of what they are doing. A leader cannot build an ethical culture in his organization without understanding the foundation on which ethics rests.
Want to know more, call us at 832-452-8537, write to us at info@cdci-mediation.com.
by jcooper131 | Apr 17, 2017 | Houston Mediation and Arbitration
In my book, which will be available through Amazon Kindle in about three months, if not sooner, I talk about the fact that many companies say they are customer focused, but they aren’t. They say they are committed to under-promising and over performing. They point out, often with much fanfare, that they have strong compliance programs and have a solid ethical foundation. They spend millions of dollars each year selling that message – until things fall apart.
It turns out it’s a fancy façade on a structure that is deeply flawed. One day the façade collapses and the structural flaws are glaringly obvious. A few months ago, we turned on the TV or opened the newspaper and read how Wells Fargo had, over a number of years, stolen money from millions of accounts, and now we see United Airlines in the midst of a disaster the scope of which will not be known for months.
It is safe to say that the credibility of both companies is non-existent. Wells Fargo is a company that has been around for more than 140 years, and they will do what it takes to rebuild its reputation. It will be a long-term effort but they have every reason to succeed. United Airlines presents us with more questions than answers at this point. But in its own way this failure is every bit as stunning as something pulled from the pages of a melodrama.
When I discuss ethics and integrity training with executives and managers , I am often confronted by a check the box mentality. I sometimes need to remind these men and women that they work in a high risk environment and the existence of compliance programs, ethics policies, written standards of behavior, and even training programs are not guarantors of success. That compliance failures and ethical lapses are just one bad decision away from erasing all hard-won gains. These failures often occur because they don’t look at ethics and integrity with a focus on the human factor.
Want to know more about our approach to ethics and integrity training? I invite you to take a few brief minutes and visit our website. Our approach is designed to reduce the impact on the time of executives and managers. Take a moment to view our upcoming training event in early May, and we will be happy to answer any questions you have.
